POSTSCRIPT

A Woman’s Life’s Work

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, “What will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?” Here’s what she said to me;
“Que sera, sera. Whatever will be...will be.
The future’s not ours to see. Que sera, sera.”- words by Ray Evans

These lyrics come from a 1956 Doris Day movie called, ‘The Man Who Knew Too Much’, but they’re actually about women---women who did not know too much.
These days, more and more women create their own destinies. They don’t expect the future to swoop them up in safe but exciting arms and place them in lives filled with instant abundance and love. Right?
Do today’s young women really know themselves any better than their mothers did? Do they plan, from an early age, to be self-sufficient and then carefully analyze their career options? Do they believe that they have a responsibility to themselves and others to discover and carry out their life’s work --whether or not they choose to have a family?
Women are taking their occupations more seriously than they did in 1956, but the “Que Sera Sera Syndrome” still lingers in our collective mentality. An insidious presence, it is present as both an insurance policy and a pleasant fantasy.
In the 1950’s, most middle class women thought of a career as an interim measure while waiting for marriage, or as a source of extra spending money for the family. Now more women generally feel entitled to any career they want, but, as a whole, they are still a long way from taking their career choices seriously. Many women still struggle to balance career and family life. Many women are not sure of what they’re capable of, and what is available for them in the job market.
This book is dedicated to the notion that a life well lived comes from finding one’s ideal life’s work, and allowing for it by careful timing and planning.
The work of making a home and raising a family can be deeply satisfying for both men and women. But it is also important for us to have a purpose in our lives as distinct individuals. A part of our lives that is not defined and shaped by our relationships. Life’s work, is about you and only you. Your passion put to use. Your gifts benefiting and creating value in the world.
Who are we after all? Are we how we look? Are we our parent’s opinion of us, or who we partner with, or our children? Or what other people think of us? While our most intimate relationships enhance us and reflect us, one of the main ways we come to know our selves is through our life’s work.
Women, generally, have a tendency to define themselves by their relationships. Many women are, by nature, caretakers. Young women, though not yet parents, are inclined to view themselves this way as well. Relationships can be the treasures of our lives, and we are fortunate if we enjoy good ones. Defining our selves primarily by our relationships, however, has some real dangers and disadvantages When it comes to gratification and satisfaction in life, it ’s also what you DO--- with your unique gifts that matters.
Ironically, the relationships that most often define women---as partner, or as mother--- are often the ones that change over time. A woman is smart to keep a core sense of her own purpose; her life’s work.
A successful marriage is one of the greatest treasures out there, and a huge achievement. But half of all marriages end in divorce. Women, are more likely than men to put all of their eggs in the relationship basket, and are more likely to become disenchanted. With a stronger core sense individual life’s purpose, women would be able to look within for their sense of identity. No one should view marriage as an emotional or financial guarantee for life.
What about children? Children are forever, but they do not need us to make them our life’s focus for that long. Nor is it healthy to do so. Most of our kids become largely independent after two decades. Children are not done a service being made to feel like centers of their (and our) universes. It is not good for them, and it is certainly not good for their parents. Psychologist John Rosemond, a leading authority on child-rearing, wrote a glowing column about his mother, a single working parent who made no apologies for her career. He remembers being raised with love, structure and compromise, and today he is a strong advocate for women pursuing their Life’s Work.
There is certainly a case to be made for the stay-at-home parent, but no woman need lose sight of her own life’s purpose and her passions beyond meeting the needs of others. There is time for every woman to use her ideas and energy for her life’s work... But first, she must know what it is!
Consider the word “selfless”. If you happen to be a caretaker, there is great nobility in self-sacrifice, but not at the expense of the giving up one’s self. It is far better to give friends and family the opportunity to support your quest for meaning. Just as you would support your children’s and friends’ growth and development, let them support yours, and thereby be enriched by your example.
This book is about you, and how to put your talents, gifts, intelligence and passion to its best use, considering every possibility, including non-traditional ones.
Windows of Opportunity
There are critical periods in our lives when we have the best chance of making progress on our journey. For some, a window might open between the completion of their education and their decision to have a family. When life becomes complicated (and it will or does) and cumbersome (and it will or does), it is more difficult to maintain our resolve to live out our vision, our personal dream.
Is The World Your Oyster?
You may perceive yourself as completely unencumbered, believing that no door is closed to you, and you are ready to do whatever you want to do. You may not feel that you are at risk of letting life’s complexities thwart your life’s work, and you may be right. But, reading this book, you might have been surprised to discover the powerful undertow of social and biological influences that may be holding you back.
Most women generally are still using only a small percentage of their potential in the work world. There is still a considerable gender gap, and it has a lot to do with the work choices women are making.
There are exciting careers containing hardly any women and which you may not yet have considered. Many subtle, and not-so-subtle, influences may have kept you from looking at every possibility for an exciting job. The career broad-mindedness recommended in this book can help you find work that is more challenging and makes you much more money!
Women are still not rising to the corporate top levels proportionate to their numbers in the workplace. They often set themselves up to follow rather than to lead. In this book, you have seen strategies: approaches to your work that can help you advance in your chosen field.
In these pages you have had the opportunity to take an inventory of your influences, and your opportunities and to set a course for better choices and greater success. Make sure you’ve left no career-stone unturned.
Information is power. Options are leverage. This book is a tool for any woman wanting to illuminate every intriguing corner of the career world, in order to find her own personal and professional ‘highest and best’.
The next move belongs to women. New territory is there to discover.
The New Ambition
The word ‘ambition’ does not always have a positive connotation when applied to women, especially mothers, but women need to be ambitious. Ambition does not necessarily mean a hunger for material success. It is a simply a desire to get ahead, to improve the quality of life. Very few women can expect their lives to turn out swimmingly without strategic planning and hard work. Even those who are certain they want to invest all of their energy into home making, need to consider a Plan B. The traditional model of family life is not all that common, and never, ever guaranteed. Even under the best of circumstances, most women will need to change strategies at some point in their lives. Divorce, death, the end of the child-rearing years, special financial needs, all may require that a woman be proactive, competitive, and prepared to make the most of her time and talent. She needs to know what’s out there, and what it’s going to take to get it.